I come back to you


I come back to you in laughter.
Those strange moments
When I can smile without a thought.
So human, and okay with it.

Then I think of you.

Involuntary. Unwilling. Scared.
Like a taunt you smoke into my veins
And threaten to take it all away.

I come back to you on days
Laced with sadness.
So heavy, my fingers can only bear to breathe into a point
And write these tears to your name.

On those days I claim you owe me.
And then the night curls into sobs.
Reluctant. Unprompted. Unthinking.
Shooting toward your absent
Figure walking guiltless in my closed room.

I come back to you In Love.
When I don’t know what or how to.
I choke. And gasp. And split helpless from within.

I come back to you in growth.
For every inch I try to move
You storm death into my skies.
The light fizzles into silence
And I scurry for My Cave to Nowhere.

When I don’t move.
You don’t.
When I don’t speak.
You don’t.
When I don’t try.
Your silence quiets me.
And then it begins to comfort me
That you’ll always be there.

So I stay transfixed.
The taunt of your voice
Breaks the music in my ears
But I stay transfixed.
The look in your eyes
Blinds the colors in my mind
But I stay transfixed.

I come back to you
In surrender.
Voluntary. Willing. Broken.
So desperate for your words,
That cruelty makes right of everything.
Your face Lives
And my heart bleeds
Into an ancient, unforgiving pain.

I come back to you in those moments
When I’ve fallen, all over again.

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